May 2021
Diversity is hard. It can be challenging. As Yogi Berra joked, “No matter where you go, there you are.” Many of us aspire to less social division, others fear change, cynics stoke racial division for political power, and ideologues want to dominate our views. Amid this cultural revolution, I suspect most simply want safety and happiness for others. It’s OK to be nervous about change or to ask tough questions as we face it.
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow (Bill Withers, Lean on Me).
A friend discussed how his views on race evolved, having taught at a historically Black university for several years. “I’ve learned there’s a big difference between being Black and African American,” he shared. “My father was White. Because of that, I’ve always moved in White circles although I didn’t realize it.” What my friend found was that he was too Black to be White and not Black enough to be considered authentically African American (by some). His sense of isolation is palpable.
Someone shared a sermon mistakenly attributed to the Rev. Franklin Graham. “The American dream ended … A coalition of Blacks, Latinos, feminists, gays, government workers, union members, environmental extremists, the media, Hollywood, uninformed young people, the ‘forever needy,’ the chronically unemployed that do not want to work, illegal aliens and other ‘fellow travelers’ have ended [it]. The Cocker spaniel is off the front porch, the pit bull is in the back yard.” This deceptive meme showed me the ugliness of fear.
Please swallow your pride. For no one can fill those of your needs that you won’t let show.
A local philanthropist once told me, “It’s hard to hate someone when you know them.” She taught me acceptance.
A mom was taking her high schoolers on college visits. Some speakers began their presentations by sharing preferred pronouns (he/him/his), which was new to this mother. After the presentations, parents met with the school’s representative. Despite concerns of being judged harshly if she used the wrong pronoun, she taught me to overcome social anxiety.
A person I’ve known for years transitioned. It was awkward. I promised to do my best but admitted concern over using their pre-transition name. “Don’t worry about it, I know you’ll do your best,” he said. This person showed me trust.
Lean on me, when you’re not strong. And I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on.
Increasingly, National Public Radio’s journalistic perspective is that race is at the heart of every story. At times it wears me out. Perhaps being overwhelmed by race day in and day out is the point.
One friend rails at “woke” culture and the evils of the progressive left. Another lashes out at modern Republican tolerance for truthiness, insurrection and conspiracy. One coin: two friends.
A former student, now a state senator, pushed back when partisan radicals assailed a state official. I am proud that where so many fail, he clung to his values. That student taught me courage and integrity.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
A reflective coworker commented, “I can’t feel guilty about a past I didn’t live.” Eventually he concluded, Guilty: no. Responsible for the future: yes. He demonstrated contemplation.
Diversity is hard. And it can certainly be complex. Tomorrow’s rules are being written today. I can see why some feel overwhelmed and afraid.
In our house we don’t feel threatened. We have three kids and they’re readily adapting. I credit their mom.
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on.
When asked what one could do to be helpful, a mixed-race student spontaneously replied, “Just be there for me when I need you.” No judgment, no agenda. I wish I had said that. She taught sincerity. I hope I can do that.
It’s normal to be uncomfortable with change. You’re not alone. Nor are you a bad person.
But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
We all want a friendly smile, a kind word, affirmation and hope.
We all need somebody to lean on.
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